The Blessing Behind the Burden
Sometimes what feels heavy is simply the weight of something valuable.
A conversation with a successful friend recently got me thinking. He was complaining about how busy he was, not a little busy. The kind of busy where his calendar looked like a sadist-designed game of Tetris. Every square filled. No room for error. One missed appointment, and the whole thing collapses.
The funny part? He’s been saying the same thing for years. Now, don’t get me wrong. He really is busy, but as we talked, I realized something. He doesn’t actually want to be less busy because being less busy would probably mean being less successful. The busyness wasn’t a bug. It was the operating system, and that got me wondering how often we complain about the very things we worked hardest to get.
Everyone wants the outcome, but most don’t want the invoice that arrives afterward. They want the promotion but not the responsibility. The healthy marriage, but not the uncomfortable conversations. The fit body, but not the 5:30 a.m. alarm clock that feels like a personal attack. The successful business, but not the occasional moments of staring at the ceiling at 2 a.m., wondering if payroll will clear. The four children, but not the grocery bill, now qualify as a federal infrastructure project.
Okay, that last one might be personal. It’s a bit like buying a boat. Everyone imagines themselves cruising across the water at sunset, wind in their hair, looking like they’re filming a luxury lifestyle commercial. Nobody imagines themselves standing ankle-deep in marina sludge on a Saturday morning, holding a $2,700 repair estimate while whispering, “What have I done?,” but the boat and the maintenance are the same thing. You don’t buy a boat, you buy future problems that float. The same is true of almost everything worth having.
Success is often just a collection of challenges we voluntarily signed up for. The problem is that human beings adapt incredibly fast. The thing we once prayed for becomes the thing we expect. The promotion becomes our job. The dream home becomes a list of repairs. The thriving business becomes a source of stress.
The dream becomes Tuesday, and once the excitement fades, all that’s left standing in front of us is the effort required to maintain it. That’s usually the part we complain about. Not because we don’t want the outcome, but because we’ve forgotten the effort was included in the purchase price.
I’m not suggesting we shouldn’t vent. Life is hard. Some seasons genuinely feel like you’re juggling chainsaws while someone keeps handing you more chainsaws.
I’ve started asking myself a different question whenever I catch myself complaining: “Is this actually a problem, or is this simply the price of something I value?” Sometimes the answer is uncomfortable.
The overflowing calendar might be evidence that people trust you. The endless soccer practices might mean your kids still want you there. Difficult leadership decisions might be the price of having influence. The sleepless nights might be attached to something you once desperately hoped for. The work might simply be the receipt for the life you asked for.
Not every burden is a blessing. Some situations absolutely need to change, but many of the frustrations we carry are simply trade-offs wearing disguises.
Before complaining too loudly, it’s worth asking: Would I actually give this up?
Sometimes what feels like a burden is really evidence that the thing we hoped for finally arrived, and now it needs oil changes.
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Until next time, stay curious. Be kind. Build better communities & workplaces.
— Devin
Before You Go...
This newsletter explores the psychology of work, leadership, and what it means to be human in a world that’s moving faster every day.
My full-time work is helping organizations build healthier cultures through research-backed keynotes, leadership programs, and consulting. Every article you read here is connected to conversations I’m having with leaders around the country.
If your organization is wrestling with burnout, connection, trust, culture, or leading through change, let’s talk. I’d be happy to learn more about your team and see if I can help.